My friend asked me why God put women and men together when we are so different and don't get understand each other most of the time. How do you answer that? Men and women are so incredibly different from each other. Men think general picture with little or no emotion and women think very specifically with a lot of emotion.
The man I've been seeing since last February gets upset when I ask questions. Sometimes those questions appear interrogatory instead of inquisitive, but that's just me. I want to know. So I'm trying to be less vocal and just take things as they come. However, whenever he gets upset with me he retreats into his own little world and says very little to me and becomes unresponsive. Quite frankly I think vocalizing is healthier. But then I'm stuck wanting to tell him how I feel about his silence and ask him wants going on, but yet afraid if I say anything then I'm breaking a promise of not "bitching".
Why is it ok to call me out on unacceptable behavior, but it's not ok to call him out? Hmmm, I'm probably going to get into trouble, but I'm going to ask.......
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
a new relationship
My friend is a blogger and suggested I do the same as a way of cleansing. Trust me, after the last 14 years I need serious cleansing. I was married to a man who was a drug addict and over time not only took my money, but my self-esteem and trust. I choose not to go into the gory details of what I bitter life I lived with him. I really want to realize the damage it's caused me so that I can recognize it and fix it.
For 2 years I went out with many men. Some of them were gorgeous. Some of them were very nice. Some of them had a lot of money, but none of them had chemistry with me. Then I met the man of my dreams. As the saying goes, when you least expect it the right man walks in and he did....at the most unlikely place and time. I'll call him "M". M is good looking, funny, intelligent, successful, kind, patient, helpful, and he touches me like no other man can. But most of all we have a connection that I haven't been able to find with anyone else. He's my friend and he's genuinely good to me. He has always been true to his word.
So, what's the problem right? I AM the problem. I have serious trust issues and co-dependent issues. I was never jealous. I was never so needy or distrusting as I am being and I need to make it stop. M doesn't live in this country and has to leave for 6 months at a time and when he's gone I become emotional. I don't like being emotional. I want to be fun and funny. I want to be that understanding girlfriend who is cool to her boyfriend and all his friends. I don't want him to feel bad because he didn't return my text within the hour or guilty because he spent time with his friends.
So many years of being lied to and manipulated by an addict, I've become the girlfriend I never wanted to be. All men are guilty until proven innocent instead of the other way around. I need to find my way back to the fun and carefree girl before I lose the most wonderful man in my life. I need to take control of my emotions again. I need to learn that not all men are out to hurt me. And I need for my ex to find his own life so he stays out of mine.
I really want this to work with M.
For 2 years I went out with many men. Some of them were gorgeous. Some of them were very nice. Some of them had a lot of money, but none of them had chemistry with me. Then I met the man of my dreams. As the saying goes, when you least expect it the right man walks in and he did....at the most unlikely place and time. I'll call him "M". M is good looking, funny, intelligent, successful, kind, patient, helpful, and he touches me like no other man can. But most of all we have a connection that I haven't been able to find with anyone else. He's my friend and he's genuinely good to me. He has always been true to his word.
So, what's the problem right? I AM the problem. I have serious trust issues and co-dependent issues. I was never jealous. I was never so needy or distrusting as I am being and I need to make it stop. M doesn't live in this country and has to leave for 6 months at a time and when he's gone I become emotional. I don't like being emotional. I want to be fun and funny. I want to be that understanding girlfriend who is cool to her boyfriend and all his friends. I don't want him to feel bad because he didn't return my text within the hour or guilty because he spent time with his friends.
So many years of being lied to and manipulated by an addict, I've become the girlfriend I never wanted to be. All men are guilty until proven innocent instead of the other way around. I need to find my way back to the fun and carefree girl before I lose the most wonderful man in my life. I need to take control of my emotions again. I need to learn that not all men are out to hurt me. And I need for my ex to find his own life so he stays out of mine.
I really want this to work with M.
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